I was going to write about how RT had been progressing during the day. But instead I go a call at 1140 from the hospital.

The call made the rest of the day seem insignificant. Any progress we have had over the last few days  undone.

I write this sitting by his bed at 0100 listening to the alarms going off on his bed.

Every call I get from the hospital gives us a small panic attack.

Dr. Starts conversation “RT is ok ”

“But I wanted to call and update you on what has happened”

“But”

But what?

After a long explanation it comes that his ventilator was somehow disconnected for a short moment, somewhere on the machine. The nurse was there and reacted fast and bagged him(breathing not using ventilator) respiratory tech and dr responded quick

I ask where it was disconnected and how. Dr is not sure. Respiratory techs are investigating it now.

I ask how we can make sure this doesn’t happen again.

Not sure yet.

IT never should have happened.

None of this should have ever happened. But it has happened.

I ask how low his sp02 got. 50’s.

No brady.

The Dr. Then tells me they took another X-ray. His lungs look worse than they did earlier.

This undoes everything we have been working towards. Weaning, trying to make his lungs look better they have only gotten worse. And now this accident.

While bedside  she described an X-ray taken earlier today, before these events, as horrendous…. So now our sons lungs look worse than horrendous.

By this point I was essentially halfway dressed, the wife alongside.

They are no longer using NAVA they put his support back up. Peep up to 8 to try and get rid of fluid around lungs. EDI doesn’t matter.

Mom and I are in the elevator.

A missed call from hospital vibrates on my phone.

I call hospital, get through to operator. Transferred to 6th floor NICU. Transferred to Dr.  I called back again to tell you the piece that came off vent was the end me to his face. He somehow turned his head and loosened it and it’s his fault it separated. How can we stop this from happening again? We cant.

We are inside hospital. Security opens the door to our wing. We enter the elevator and go up.

The nurse is bedside giving him fentanol to relax him he is alarming over 200 Bpm heart rate. His sp02 is 100.

She calmly explains what happened how the events went down. We know it’s not her fault.

I reach in and try and calm him. He grabs onto my finger and won’t let go.

I tell him everything will be ok.

A lonely tear falls onto the glass separating us.

Mom comforts him from the other side.

His eyes are wide. He looks into my eyes as I talk. I talk to him and ask him to show me any other leaks that can happen. He squeezes my finger every time I say leak.

Everything will be ok.

0050 I ask the nurse to show me the X-ray. It does look worse.

Somehow everything has to be ok.

He is angry. The machine decides when he breathes now. He wants to fight it. It will be better for him to let it do the work.

It’s time now for him to get some rest.

0146 Time to sit and watch his breathing and listen to his alarms.